Eensame Maria

I was so young

that I tore pages from the book

and did my own drawings

but something in the colours

of the story

and the pages of the little girl’s life

all alone on the desert island

who had to draw creatures

in the sand

and they became her pets

the book was given by your friend, mama

Lorraine who knew life is hard

and a woman has to fight

to find her own voice

and that sometimes

that might mean that she will

probably have to

be alone sometimes

and so she wrote little me

an inscription

to a new Eensame Maria

may she have headstrong road

and I did.

miss Ashlee

Miss Ashlee

Well it starts

Where I wasn’t ever

 The one who was meant to have you

With my not the mother

And vision of the Greek Isles

And dreams of the seas of the golden liberty

And I didn’t think

And you came

And it made mad sense

From the moment give me grace thing

I wasn’t sure

Did you feel the same as me

Was this really the only place you

Wanted to be?

But when you stand with your two toys

And I see you with all the savage meant to be others

You make me want to weep

And claw flesh  and suck blood

And I have no gifts

And throw you for miles into the sea

But that’s mummy

And you gave me a stage

And eyes that the colorlessness

Showed and joined and do you feel the same?

Because this is how do I know

If you even want to be with me?

But what I do know

Is that your heartbeat

Was the most I ever could have asked for

You made it, you got it my little one

I did my best for you, me and my drum

And you my girl

Were even smart enough

To know when they

Scheduled you

Tuesdays for the money you see

But you knew

And you started

With this so called mother

With her guardians

But on that night

I was on my own

With you coming

And we met

And it was all like when I saw

The suicides

And the bladders operations

And the self killing

But this one morning

It wasn’t like that

And we did it all good lady

And you were are trooper
and I was totally fine but I shook little baby

And they stuck my spine

Next to the tattoo of the happy ending far away

And then almost you

Surgeon I know it’s OK

Tearing

And I don’t know

And you cry

And It’s OK

And they pull you out

And you could say a lot

But I was just like

You’re so weird

But it’s you

Makes sense

Crazy talk but I think

I seriously did love before

And this life thing of yours

Will do the happy ending weirdo pretty strange one

No real gifts for you

But I honour you

In all  that I have missed little baby

I lay before you

My chest

Of the drums and dolls and hopes and dreams

And I played my best for you

And I adore you giving me you

And you did good.

And that it’s it I promise my lady

forever

Central Part of the Heart

You and I were a funny match

From the start

Not sugar and spice

Not a match made in heaven

But it seemed good

Doing shots

At the Windhoek Underwater Club

And you had this vibe

That gave me those heartbeats

It’s true

And I had seen more

Than before

And then

I fought for you

And you didn’t want me

And it made me insecure

But then it became

Really, really good

And we drove across horizon

After horizon

Towards the great grey

Wide Kunene River

And you showed me what you do best

My African mannetjie

Under the stars you pitched our tent

And I was taken by surprise

That something like this

Could happen to me again

Cause I had kind of

Given up

And then it all went

Fast, enough

Probably not to last

Most of the time

You were kind of

My safe place to fall

But now

It gets worse and worse

Everyday

And I can see

We probably made a giant mistake

And the scary thing is

I share a little girl with you

Who didn’t ask for any of this

Who looks towards us for

Safety

With those huge blues eyes

I guess now the drama queen stuff

Is over in a flash

No time

And they don’t tell you enough

And it seems so obvious

And know it all mothers

With perfect mummy linen and cookies

say tut tut

Didn’t you think it’s obvious

Well, I didn’t

that once that little one sees you

It will replace the men

For the central part

Of the heart

And it can take alot

For the grownup part

To finally realize

That this queen of the world

No longer rules

They all said it‘s natural

For me it was a ton of those red bricks

And not even all at once.

But if I could go back

I would shake my head

And say no thanks

You,

My daughter

Beat any man

Any time

To the central part

Keeper of my heart.

Ballerina

cold cream and calamine lotion

so many nights we wished

for another room

with fairy curtains over the beds

to guard from mosquitoes

instead, we were given milky pink liquid

for the itchy bites

on small arms and behind the knees

and you called the cold cream

i think

because it felt so icy in the baking desert nights

and maybe because

it soothed the burnings in your brain.

Herbivores and Carnivores

Herbivores and carnivores

in the dead dry heat of the afternoon

we sit on the warm bedroom floor

young arms and legs itching with dust

with promises of showers and lemon juice

after sunset

but now we build a palace

from puzzle boxes

for the plastic herbivores

in our own world the giraffe is king

and the baboon is court jester

kangaroos cook while antelope patrol

the castle walls

in this world the hunter is the prisoner

cheetah and leopard banished

to the darkest corner of the cupboard

in the kingdom of beetles and birds

we say how much

and too much

and when.

Cold Cream and Calamine Lotion

cold cream and calamine lotion

so many nights we wished

for another room

with fairy curtains over the beds

to guard from mosquitoes

instead, we were given milky pink liquid

for the itchy bites

on small arms and behind the knees

and you called the cold cream

i think

because it felt so icy in the baking desert nights

and maybe because

it soothed the burnings in your brain.

Because

Because

My thin hand lights a candle for you

Because you became my friend

When I arrived new

Sitting among the rest

Because you fetched me from the library

At break

To join in carols in the hall

Because you remain my friend

Despite my dental plate and pigtails

Because you liked my skinny legs

And read me books

My candle burns

Because you walked barefoot with me

Through shops

And you wait

While I choose sweets

Because you give me sandwiches at break

And explain sums in the afternoon

And sometimes,

You stroke my hair

Because you are my friend

And don’t listen when they say

You are a boy and I am a girl

Because you understand

when I creep away from you

Behind the thick curtains

When you start to cry

My candle wavers and flickers

Because it says

Thank you