To my young self

I would bow down on my knees
and tell her
to hold herself
put her arms around herself
to forgive what happened
to stop the running myth of an idealized child
I would tell her to stop running from the pain
I would tell her that she is doing a great job
that she is braver than most
but not made of stone
I would plead with her
not to see her life, her face
reflected off a man

I would tell her to sit
and weep
and curl into a ball
I would show her that few have seen what she had to see
that few have survived the face she had to witness
I would tell her its okay to sometimes just lie in bed
and let the hours pass, waiting for a better day.

Rooms

There are bedrooms in my mind
I cannot access now
My children cling to me like sand
abrasive, warm
unending
they kiss me goodbye
as I send away those night rooms

Fences

The cattle break them down, determined
searching for tall grass
they are struck by innovation
in the dust of the dry season
A border becomes a gateway
they stamp over the barbed wire
moving into a softer place

The fences of my heart are as easily broken
the borderline between reason and loving
stamped over in the dry season

Past

A footpath through the fynbos
I follow you before the  low tide
to get mussels for supper
the past is not another country
it is portrayed in the taste left behind swallowing  the present
visual maps filed behind in the mind
behind the low tide
below the swept in sand where once, there was a footpath.

Moment

She closes her eyes
waits to see behind her mind
the disappearing vapour breath of the earth

Mind Maps

Down the strip road
there are sparse blue lines
signalling the recent map
this mind is shaded with tight red lines
a melting place
bordering on oppressive
the legend states
health and efficiency
suffer
the rivers of this mind
overflow in the dry season
floating with carcass memories
a discomfort belt of thought
not fit for anyone's habitation

Elements

in a field
a breeze blows
in a room
a fire burns
as our collective grief
breathes
like a dog in the afternoon heat
slowly
passively
consistently.